A while ago, a man came up with a website called “Obama’s Chocolate Nuts.” He thought it was “nuts” that people were giddy over a man that they new nothing about. So, like any good American capitalist, he started selling something — chocolate covered peanuts graced with Obama’s likeness.

Enter Jesse Jackson.

The other day, Jackson said that Obama was “talking down” to black people, and that Jackson wanted to, “rip his nuts off.”

Go ahead, Google, “obama’s nuts.” Yup… you get ObamasChocolateNuts.com.

David Feingold, the owner of OCN.com (and FatJewishGuy.com) had this to say:

Thank You Jesse Jackson For Loving Obamas Nuts

I went to the dentist today.

Thought I was getting a root canal, but that’s gonna be next Wednesday.

Today was just a cleaning.

I did get some gas, however, because I am scared.

Yeah, I know I am a little baby, but still I HATE the dentist and the gas takes away the fear.

It also sent me into a world that I wish I could get back to.

I think I was hallucinating, because I thought I heard Jesse Jackson say that he wants to “Rip Obama’s Nuts Off.”

He couldn’t have said that?

Right?

I mean I was the one who talked about Obama’s Chocolate Nuts.

Not a respectable reverend like Jesse Jackson?

But apparently it wasn’t the gas.

It’s true.

Perhaps one day we’ll learn that Jesse Jackson and Dave Feingold are in cahoots. Feingold couldn’t have bought advertising this good… but good for him.

MySpace’s friends let him know that he’s heading in the wrong direction. Not safe for playing at work due to dirty language and people at a party making out with each other.

Hattip: American Copywriter

Stephen Colbert for Whitehouse Press Secretary!

From an actual conversation:

Person 1: “Your son is funny… I think he has a crush on Zoey.”

Person 2: “That’s just because she puts out.”

Hahahahahaha!

(for those of you not up on your teen gossip… “Zoey” is Jamie Lynn Spears… Brittney’s pregnant little sister)

I am in favor of Earth Day, cleaning up the planet, etc…but I also feel a lot of media and people’s ramblings about “going green” is a fad for them and disingenuous…
So, here is my 2008 take on how we should celebrate Earth Day, from The Colbert Report on Comedy Central.

From The Daily Show on Comedy Central.

What?

Talking Goat

This was e-mailed to me. It’s rather sad and funny. Sad because it has probably happened before. Funny because, well, it is.

In my past few years at UWM, I have used UPark and have even had my own UPass. It wasn’t until I read Boots and Sabers this morning that I even would have even read UPass as Up Ass. Haha… juvenile but fun! Click through Owen’s link to see some other poorly formed URLs.

This is a R-rated preview - so if you can’t take a little sexual content, please don’t watch it. But… if you do, you’ll see that it’s absolutely friggin’ hilarious!

R-Rated Forgetting Sarah Marshall Trailer:

It will change your LIFE! Tracy, if we ever get married, we’re TOTALLY using these guys as our videographers!

Via a superb site called American Copywriter.

This is poorly produced, but the concept is hilarious!!!

“I don’t highlight my hair, and I’ve still got a pair…”

Brad Paisley continues to write quality music:

Lyrics below the fold: (more…)

Too friggin’ hilarious!

DUUUUUUuuuuude. PC-UK looks like my buddy/brother Dognutz. Why didn’t you tell me you got a gig, ‘Nutz?

For the record, ‘Nutz’s teeth are much better than that guy’s. You’re welcome Dog.

Somebody e-mailed this to me…

A man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and inquires about purchasing
play-off tickets. The ticket teller replies that there weren’t any
tickets for sale because the Bears did not make it to the play-offs.

The following day the same man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and
inquires about purchasing Bear play-off tickets. The ticket teller
politely replies that there weren’t any tickets for sale because the Bears
did not make it to the play-offs.

This goes on for an entire week.

The man goes to the Bear ticket office inquiring about play-off tickets
and the teller again tells him there are no tickets for sale because the
Bears did not make it to the play-offs.

Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller
about Bear play-off tickets. Finally the ticket teller says in a loud
voice . . .

I’VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS THERE ARE NO TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE
THE BEARS DID NOT MAKE THE PLAY-OFFS.”

The man replied, “I know. I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear
you say that!”

Haha! I was reading some more complaints on the InformercialScams.com website I told you about on Friday… this was too friggin’ funny (regarding Girls Gone Wild). I am guessing that it’s fake… but you never know!

8/14/2007 - Rob writes:
I couldn’t believe it, I ordered this video, it took 6 weeks to arrive, but I was in the middle of “enjoying” it, when suddenly, my sister was on screen. What the hell is up with that. I am still in therapy for that. The worst part is that she didn’t even realize what was goiing on, they just got her liquored up and naked. This is just plain wrong.

Hilary is going to lose to Barack Obama in the Democratic primaries! Then… she’s going to go 5150 a la Britney Spears.  I truly am going to love every minute of it! Her “tears” that she cried yesterday were so totally staged that all she did was make people dislike her even more. She’s trying so hard that she’s going to implode if she doesn’t get all of this power that she so greatly desires.

I can’t wait!

I can’t believe I hadn’t heard of this video until today! Check out the grape lady, as she cheats, falls, hurts herself, and makes a complete ass out of herself all over the globe! Thank you, Internet! You are the great karmic equalizer!!!

This made me laugh!

“My Zamboni, my beautiful Zamboni… You’ll pay, Pale Force… you’ll pay in Canadian currency when the exchange rate is at its weakest.”

~(some Canadian chick) on Pale Force

You can watch the whole cartoon on NBC.com if you’d like.