If you are, indeed, an American, and you don’t spell flavor as “flavour” or color as “colour,” then use one L.

Carry on.

On Notice: Bicyclists

These innocent, happy-go-lucky travelers are everywhere these days. With the increase in gas prices and the new stylish fashion statement of rolling up your pant leg, it’s no wonder their numbers have multiplied.

I have to give a big tisk-tisk to all bicyclists, as they want vehicles to “share the road” with them…but they will not yield to the more dominant transportation methods. In a natural selection of the roadways, bicyclists should know their place. I will share whatever room is leftover on the road when I come cruising by in my Lincoln Navigator while drinking my iced mocha-latte from McDonalds on my way to work (Starbucks is soooo March 2008).

Bicyclists, you have been put On Notice. Next time you breeze through that 4-way stop, don’t expect an out-of-court settlement when you find yourself looking up at my SUV’s undercarriage.