My favorite (albeit stupid) ways to reply when someone asks what my New Year’s resolution is:

1. Get down to my birthweight.
2. Fit comfortably in my prom dress.
3. Quit eating.
4. To finally get rid of that rash.
5. “I celebrate Chinese New Year so that I can wait another month before committing.”

I don’t watch much tv, but when I do, I pretty much watch the following:

1. Entourage
2. Scrubs
3. House
4. DHW (with Tracy)
5. Robot Chicken

What are your top five?

It never fails. I go to the local Piggly Wiggly to grab some food for dinner, and I always end up coming home with an armful of things that I already have:

1. Hot Sauce: It never fails! The “do I have any hot sauce at home” thought always ends with me saying, “aww, what the hell, it’s only $1.96.” Then I come home to a fridge filled with three jars of the same stuff. I never take food back to the grocer, because I don’t want to buy food that has been taken back, either. So it goes on the shelf, hoping to be used before the expiration date.
2. Croûtons: They don’t really go bad… but I never really ever use them all (except on those rare occasions when I have NOTHING in the house — then they make a great snack ). Anyway, whenever I buy lettuce, I seem to buy croûtons, which leads to a pantry full of purposely purchased stale bread.
3. Spaghetti Sauce: It seems like spaghetti sauce is always on sale, so I always say, “yeah, I could use more of this.” But, then I always come home and find at least one unused jar in the cupboard.
4. Parmesan Cheese: …is right next to the spaghetti sauce… but you knew that.
5. Beer: It’s not that I always drink beer at home… but it seems like whenever I decide that I want a beer, I can never remember if I have any or not. I always buy something different, though, so it’s not a big deal, but maybe once I should just finish what’s left in the fridge.

If I could have fit it in, the full title for this edition of Fuzz’s Top Five would have been, “Fuzz’s Top 5: Women I Don’t Find Attractive, Though Everybody Else Seems to Think So.”

Let’s do it:

1. Angelina Jolie:
    
   There is something about this woman that I simply cannot stand. I don’t know if it is the way she holds herself, the fact that she was with Billy Bob Thorton and carried a vile of his blood around her neck, or just because she looks like a drowned sewer rat. Either way, people think she’s hot, and I simply don’t.
    
2. Jennifer Aniston:
    
   First, and no offense to those of you who liked the show, Friends, but I could not stand that show. I would have easily lumped Courtney Cox into this Top Five, but she’s irrelevant. Unlike most people, when I see Jennifer Aniston, I think, “ick.”
    
3. Lindsay Lohan:
    
   My mom told me never to pick on those less fortunate… but I can’t resist. Watching this girl deteriorate is like watching a train derail, only to have a crew put it back on the tracks so that they can watch it derail again. She’ll be dead before she’s 30. (how’s your dead pool doing, btw?)
    
4. Paris Hilton:
    
   This is the woman that I usually get the most ridicule from when I say that I don’t think she’s all that hot. In fact, Squirrel once said to me, “whatever, man… you’d hit that.” Uhm… no. Not even with your “!!!!” and Claude pushing… alright.
    
5. Cameron Diaz:
    
   I thought she was cute in “The Mask.” After the first time I heard her open her mouth, though, I was instantly turned off. I mean… no deal. I have a “thing” for intelligent women. Cameron Diaz may be intelligent – but if you’ve ever heard her talk, she sounds like she has the IQ of a nematode.
    

There you go. You may love them. The world may think they’re hot. I, however, think they’re not.

School is winding down, and I will finally have a summer to do some things for myself. There have been some movies that I REALLY have been meaning to watch that I haven’t watched in a long time. I’m not saying that I’m going to spend the whole summer on the couch… but on a rainy day when I’m not watching Dora the Explorer… I’ll be watching these:

1. Fletch – It has been about 10 years since I’ve seen Irwin Fletcher in action. This movie has some of the best one-liners EVAH!
2. Heat – I might actually just skip forward to the big gun scene. This movie kicks serious ass. Seriously, though… Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore (before he ruined his career), John Voigt, AND Ashley Judd? This movie is just silly good.
3. Young Guns – When I was a kid, I could quote every line from Young Guns 1 AND 2. I might rent them both and watch them back to back.
4. Tombstone – I’m your huckleberry. I frickin’ love this movie. I was tempted to actually even use the tried and true “F-bomb” to describe my love for this movie… but I’ll restrain myself simply because there may be kids reading.
5. Stand By Me – “Have you ever seen a dead body?” This movie was one of my favorites when I was a kid. It came out when I was eight. I really want to watch it again… so, I will.

Please don’t judge me based on the fact that Val Kilmer is in two of my five movies.

The last one was fun… let’s do it again:I’ve put a lot of hours on the elliptical machine, lately. And… even though wearing your iPod at the gym is the perfect path to becoming anti-social, I have run the batteries down a time or two.

Here are my Top 5 songs to listen to while working out:

1. One – Metallica
   My biggest criteria for workout music are that the songs are hard-driving and they must be long in duration. I want to know that when a song is over, I have gone a good 5-7 minutes on the machine. One is something like 7.5 minutes long, and it is about as hard-driving as you can get. I can’t really stand Metallica, but this song is usually the first thing I play when I start moving.
2. Welcome to the Terrordome – Public Enemy
   I am going to sound like a total dork, but this song has sentimental value. When I was a kid I watched one of Mike Tyson’s fights with my dad. The song that played as Tyson came down from the locker room was Welcome to the Terrordome. Right after I got done watching the extremely short fight, I went in my room and shadow-boxed to Terrordome. After that date, whenever I was in football, swimming, or even mowing the lawn, Terrordome was in my headphones right before I worked out. (for the record, Tyson is a tool).
3. Sweating Bullets – Megadeth
   I used to put my boombox out on the cal-de-sac and listen to Megadeth’s “Countdown to Extinction” CD while I shot hoops. It didn’t at all help me with my TERRIBLE basketball skillz (yo), but I still love this song. It gets me pumped up. There’s something about a song with “sweat” in the title to make actually sweating a little bit easier.
4. Iron Man – Ozzy Osbourne
   Duh. This is a pretty easy one. Iron Man. Working out. Perfect combo.
5. Raining Men – The Weather Girls …uhm… Superman – Lazlo Bane
   I probably play this song the most when I work out. Yes, it is the theme song from Scrubs. I particularly like the line, “you crossed the finish line, you won the race but lost your mind, was it worth it after all?” It might be lame to have a TV show theme song as one of my Top 5’s, but I like it… and it’s my website… so lay off me.

I can’t wait for summer to finally get here. The grey doldrums of the first quarter have really bored the hell out of me… Here are 5 songs that have “Summer” in the title that you’re likely to hear blasting out of my car’s windows when it’s finally warm enough to roll them down:

1. Summertime – Will Smith
   This is my quintessential summer song. It reminds me of when I got my first car (even though the song was 3 years old at that point). Yeah, it’s dorky, but most summer songs are.
2. Summertime – Kenny Chesney
   I don’t really care for Yoo-Hoo and I can’t stand it when people put their feet (especially bare) on my dash, but I simply love this song. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, the song is completely crank-ible in the car or in the house with the windows open.
3. Summertime Blues – Rush or Alan Jackson… (depends on my mood)
   I grew up listening to the Alan Jackson version of this song, but I seem to prefer the Rush version as I get older. Still… I’ll crank up A.J. every now and then.
4. Six Pack Summer – Phil Vassar
   Phil sings about blue blockers, beating on the dash, and Jimmy Buffett. What could be wrong with this song? Absolutely nothing, that’s what! I like this song so much, I just played it as a request to myself on the air. Hooray for summer!
5. Summer of ‘69 - Bryan Adams
   Reminds me of when I was a kid, running around the neighborhood, throwing water balloons, hanging out at the lake with the neighbor girls… I have to change the words to “the summer of ‘89,” but at any rate, this song is terrific!

Hopefully summer will be here soon! This winter crap is for the birds.

This will seem like a shallow post… but sometimes being shallow keeps me from getting too deep.

Fuzz’s Top Five:

1. Scarlett Johanson
   I don’t know what it is about her collagen-injected lips, but they are mesmerizing. I don’t really think her acting is that good, either… but she’s my number one.
2. Jessica Alba
   
   
   Uhm… yeah… I don’t really need to say much about Ms. Alba. I mean, she sucks as an actress, but her movies are still worth watching for some reason.
3. Elisha Cuthbert
   Wow… there’s a pattern here. Another bad actress… who for some reason I can’t not watch.
4. Alessandra Ambrosio
   I’ve never really been a big fan of supermodels. I don’t know if it’s because of their attitudes, or because I actually think that a good portion of them are actually kind of manly looking… Alessandra, however, is tops for me.
5. Sarah Chalke
   Yeah… I’m a sucker for a woman in scrubs. Not just the TV show, “Scrubs,” but scrubs in general. I also think part of my “thing” I have for Ms. Chalke is her attitude.

So… there you go… a shallow post to keep things from getting too deep.